In Mrs. Dalloway, the title character has a very odd relationship with her husband, Richard. This is most obviously shown in the scene in which Richard and Hugh are having lunch at Lady Bruton's house and what happens afterwards. Richard decided he must go home and and buy flowers for his wife and tell her how much he loves her "in so many words". He buys her red and white roses, comes into her room, and is about to tell her how much he loves her, but he just can't bring himself to do so. It's not because he doesn't love her, because her certainly does, and it seems like more of a shyness that is keeping him from showing his affection than anything else. Clarissa completely understands and takes him by the hand before he leaves for a meeting and putting Clarissa down for a nap. This understanding mentality that Clarissa uses when interacting with Richard suggests that this has happened before. Richards actions suggest that he and Clarissa don't have a very strong connection, and were never really close, as Richard was probably preoccupied with his occupation for a majority of his marriage. Although his actions seem quite wimpy, his demeanor is quite cute. From the time he decides to go tell Clarissa he loves her to when he can't bring himself to do it, he acts like a giddy, lovesick teenaged girl. He really, really wants to tell her he loves her, but he just doesn't feel comfortable enough around her to do so. This shouldn't be the case in marriage. This makes me think that Clarissa and Richard have mutual love and respect, yet are very distant from each other on an emotional level. This could affect Clarissa's thoughts on life and how her life turned out. Would she have had a better, more conventional married life had she married the equally dorky Peter?
To answer your question, I think that if Clarissa had married Peter, her life, as well as her marriage, would be far from boring. Her marriage with Richard does not have the same kind of love and passion that her marriage with Peter could have had. Peter, while he may be dorky, is a ladies man and so I think that he would provide the necessary excitement, both in a good and a bad way, to spice up Clarissa's marriage.
ReplyDeleteI don't know which would be better, Clarissa marrying Peter or Clarissa marrying Richard, but I agree with you that whoever is Clarissa's husband influences her thoughts and her actions.
I agree with the fact that Richard should be able to tell his wife of quite a few years that he loves her. However, I don't think that she would have had a better life married to Peter. Richard is such a nice guy, and Peter is the "adventurous one."
ReplyDeleteI think the reason that Richard wouldn't tell Clarissa he loved her was because he seems a bit afraid of her. He acts very cautiously around her, maybe because she was sick and he doesn't want to upset her? Still, he wouldn't be upsetting her by telling her about his feelings.
If anything, Richard and Clarissa's marriage is conventional. They both love and respect each other, yet recognize that they both need their own personal space. Richard seems to enjoy the marriage more than Clarissa, however. I think that if Clarissa had instead married Peter, it would be far more exciting and interesting for both of them; Peter would definitely be willing to say "I love you."
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to know how to judge or evaluate other people's marriages, even when we're witness to a private scene like this one between Richard and Clarissa (and the even more private thoughts they each have that they don't share with each other--in important ways, we know more about this scene than either of them does). By many standards, this looks like a cold, passionless relationship; or, as you say, it seems like Richard is somehow cowardly. I don't know. Maybe it's just a stereotype of British culture, but guys like Richard aren't especially effusive in the romance department--talking about feelings doesn't come naturally to them. We may giggle, but actually saying "Clarissa, I love you" seems really hard for him to do.
ReplyDeleteBut he does give her the roses, and she is moved, and it does seem like he has communicated in a nonverbal manner. Likewise, his careful solicitous attitude about her getting enough bed rest--even though she's mildly irritated by it--is further proof of his affections, and she's moved at the same time she's irritated.
I too would like to see Richard be just a tad more romantic, but that's just me imposing my standards on another couple's relationship. I'm also struck, seeing the two of them chatting easily together about their day, even about potentially charged topics like Peter Walsh's visit, how well they seem to get along. As Richard insists, maybe they do have an understanding that doesn't require "so many words."